To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.