I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.