Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true

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  (616): its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true http://tfl.nu/528i
  Replies (4) Good night (2035) Bad night (1376)
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  (818): View more from California

  I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.

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  (818): I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO. http://tfl.nu/pbw8
  Replies (15) Good night (4221) Bad night (858)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns

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  (734): If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns http://tfl.nu/c8s4
  Replies (23) Good night (929) Bad night (3327)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.

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  (214): Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake. http://tfl.nu/zq33
  Replies (47) Good night (1156) Bad night (6535)
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  (631): View more from New York

  i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth

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  (631): i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth http://tfl.nu/bjm9
  Replies (16) Good night (1053) Bad night (4332)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.

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  (817): she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student. http://tfl.nu/paxd
  Replies (13) Good night (1729) Bad night (3366)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating

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  (330): He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating http://tfl.nu/fig2
  Replies (7) Good night (2817) Bad night (2473)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...

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  (732): Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL... http://tfl.nu/zpti
  Replies (6) Good night (2169) Bad night (1103)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?

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  (774): I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish? http://tfl.nu/4yf1
  Replies (17) Good night (1625) Bad night (720)
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  (716): View more from New York

  The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.

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  (716): The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us. http://tfl.nu/j1ej
  Replies (11) Good night (2739) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Yep. How's your hangover?

  (1-916): View more from California

  It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.

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  (916): Yep. How's your hangover? (1-916): It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me. http://tfl.nu/bn8s
  Replies (8) Good night (1738) Bad night (759)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested

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  (978): The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested http://tfl.nu/v6c6
  Replies (1) Good night (983) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.

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  (419): I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina. http://tfl.nu/vhcx
  Replies (6) Good night (1230) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!

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  (+44): Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas! http://tfl.nu/iawo
  Replies (0) Good night (727) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..

  (360): View more from Washington

  Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.

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  (509): Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band.. (360): Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza. http://tfl.nu/3rkd
  Replies (0) Good night (452) Bad night (92)

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