What did we do last night that was yellow?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
