what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
