apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
