you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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