What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
