My nipple is on Facebook.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Of course I have a pirate flag
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
