I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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