i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
