He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
