I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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