Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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