nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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