Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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