Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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