I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
