Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
