wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
