some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
