Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
