Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
