I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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