I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
