About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
