It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm like, not good at living.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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