I'm so fucking centered right now
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
