Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
