The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
