well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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