Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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