yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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