oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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