he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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