so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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