Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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