i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I could make wine with my vomit
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
