HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
