omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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