is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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