what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
