I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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