I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
