My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
