Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
