is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
