im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
