A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
