No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
