There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
