Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
