Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
