Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
