I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
two words: eviction party
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
