dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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