Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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