Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
These tits shall not be calmed
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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