I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
