His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
