he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
