I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
