a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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