haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
