Moan for me like Helen Keller
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
