so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
