she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Im part way to drunk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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