tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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