so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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