Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
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I deserve to be covered in dicks
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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