worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
