from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's always time for handjobs
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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