Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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