Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
