Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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